Knowing what needs to be rewritten in a screenplay is one of the harder things I had to learn, let alone knowing how to fix the problems. I would read through my script and mark it up with notes like “this is bad” or “this makes no sense” or “seriously, Jared? are you just a bad writer?”
While these might have been clever ways to indicate that I needed to rewrite a section of my screenplay they did nothing to help solve the issues I saw nor did they identify why I even needed to do a rewrite.
As I began to further my knowledge in screenwriting I began writing more, reading more, and learning more from workshops and classes. I became better equipped to not only identify the problems in my scripts but also why they were a problem and how to fix them. This has revolutionized my rewriting process, not to mention my first draft process.
Here are 5 ways I identify what needs a rewrite in my screenplays.
The set-up is extremely important to your story, it is what creates a cohesive world for your audience to invest in. The set-up for your story can be viewed as the context as to why what takes place…takes place. When I get confused in a script as to why something happens I usually lean towards it not having proper context. Another way to look at it: the situation or event was not set-up and does not appear to connect to the story.
The set-up, though, does not stand alone. It always comes with a partner and is one way that will help you identify if you are missing a set-up. That partner is the pay-off. (See Tip 3 below)
You can put all the set-ups and pay-offs you want into a story but if they are not connected in any way to your story or character, they will cause your audience to check out pretty quick. You have to make sure the events in your story are motivated. If it is on the page then it must mean something, and if it means something it must be motivated. Don’t put elements into your script unless it is absolutely necessary to the story.
Motivation applies to many facets of a screenplay, from characters, to locations, to events, to props, etc. – the list goes on. It sounds a bit overboard at times but if everything on the page has motivation to help the bigger picture or the story as a whole you will have a much more cohesive story.
As mentioned in tip one you need to have a payoff for everything that you set up in your script. This is a major cause to many viewers or readers question of “what the heck happened with…” The most common set-up, pay-off that I see talked about in film classes or written about in books is the one that involves a gun. If you show a gun in act one you have to use it be the end of act three. Another way to put it is if you set up a gun in the beginning of your screenplay you need to pay it off at the end of the screenplay.
The main point to focus on is that if you have a set up of any nature in your script it needs to be accompanied by a pay off. Bring resolution to it and also bring purpose or intentionality to the set up by giving it a pay off.
On the other spectrum, if you find a pay off and there is no context as to why you have that pay off in there you likely don’t have a proper set up. Go back and fix it or else you hear, “That came out of nowhere.”
Make it ESCALATE!
A quick way to make your story boring is to make it static or make things constantly easier for your character. If there is no threat there is no conflict and probably a good reason for someone to check out.
Make your scenes, your situations, your moments escalate and your screenplay will be far more interesting.
There might be some fun moments in there but I’d have to say that the conflict doesn’t really support the page count. It it really just a series of repeated “no” answers that don’t do much to reveal anything about the characters.
Here is what I feel is right. Joe has a defined goal – he wants the donuts for himself. Bob also has a defined goal that directly opposed Joe’s. Bob wants Joe to give him a donut. The scene is essentially over when Joe says no.
Let’s try the scene again but with some added escalations.
Does the conflict support the page count?
My writing instructor, Corey Mandell, would always ask, “does your conflict support your page count?”
That is all good and well and we might easily answer, “yes” but does it?
Five pages of “nos” gets really boring and obnoxious really fast. If you know about escalations as discussed in the previous tip, you now have a tool to help make your conflict support your page count.
Let’s make write a scene that only answers in “nos”.
INT. BREAK ROOM – MORNING
Two co-workers sit at the break room table and sip their coffee. JOE sets a bag down on the table and pulls out a donut.
BOB sips his coffee while eying the donut jealously.
You have another one in there?
Joe takes a big bite of his donut. He stares back at Bob and swallows.
There might be some fun moments in there but I’d have to say that the conflict doesn’t really support the page count. It it really just a series of repeated “no” answers that don’t do much to reveal anything about the characters.
Here is what I feel is right. Joe has a defined goal – he wants the donuts for himself. Bob also has a defined goal that directly opposed Joe’s. Bob wants Joe to give him a donut. The scene is essentially over when Joe says no.
Let’s try the scene again but with some added escalations.
INT. BREAK ROOM – MORNING
Two co-workers sit at the break room table and sip their coffee. JOE sets a bag down on the table and pulls out a donut.
BOB sips his coffee while eying the donut jealously.
You have another one in there?
Joe takes a big bite of his donut. He stares back at Bob and swallows.
I always get two.
That’s nice, sharing is caring. Thanks.
Bob reaches for the donut and Joe glares back at Bob, offended. He slides the bag containing the second donut away from Bob.
Bob sips his coffee and then reaches into his pocket and pulls out a mint.
Joe looks at him as he takes a bite of his donut. Bob shakes the container and looks up at Joe.
Mint?
Mint doesn’t go with donuts.
You could save it for later, I guess.
Okay, sure.
Joe reaches over and takes a mint and sets it beside his second donut still in the paper bag.
Bob closes his box of mints and smirks.
What?
Nothing.
Why didn’t you take a mint?
I’m drinking my coffee, it would taste weird.
Then why did you even take it out?
Sharing’s caring.
I’m not giving you my second donut.
Where’d you get them anyway?
The Donut Hole on main.
You like The Donut Hole?
Best donuts in town. I’m a bit of a connoisseur.
Never mind. I’ll pass.
I didn’t offer it to you.
Phew, if you did then I would pass.
Well, I didn’t.
Thank goodness.
Bob sips his coffee, he has moved on.
Joe takes another bite of his donut as Bob grimaces. He slows his chewing as he starts to problem solve in his head. He swallows.
Why wouldn’t you want the second donut?
Seriously?
I want to know.
The Donut Hole?
And…
I don’t want to ruin it for you.
Ruin it for me?
(beat)
What do you know?
There is that rumored incident with Carol in accounting. You know what they say about rumors though.
No what?
They are probably true.
What happened with Carol?
It’s not what happened to her, it’s what she found.
What did she find?
What kind did you get for your second donut?
A chocolate bar.
Ooo.
What?
I don’t want to ruin it for you.
Tell me! What did she find?
But you love the place.
Joe slams his fist on the table.
What did Carol find!?
The owner is known to trim their nails while on duty.
They what?
Carol found fingernail clippings on her chocolate bar last week.
Joe’s face goes white. He lowers the remains of his donut and walks over to the trash can and spits his bite out.
ANNE enters the break room with her empty coffee mug.
She pauses and looks at Joe concerned.
Anne makes a face.
Joe’s face now turns green. He heads for the door.
He exits the room in a hurry.
Bob picks up the donut and takes a bite.
He grabs his coffee and exits the break room as Joe returns.
Bob smiles at Joe as he leaves while eating the donut.
Back to work.
Joe pauses as he picks up his coffee. He stares at the mint still on the table.
It is a given that the second scene is much longer than the first one.
The second scene used escalations to make things worse, to raise the stakes, and ultimately (if successful) kept you reading to see what happens next.
FULL DISCLOSURE: The first scene was a “one pass and done.” The second scene I rewrote a couple of times as my initial escalations and exposition caused some of the goals to be unclear. I went back and made a few adjustments using the techniques I shared to rewrite the scene.
Curious to know what the first draft looked like? You can read that here.